No, not the Madonna album: Morgan-D.N.A.
Today we woke up early to go to the IVF clinic where I would make my "deposit', have it frozen, and await the shipping container that will take it to Delhi next week.
This is for the guys: there's no sugar-coating it, it's just plain weird.
This past week has been pretty stressful considering this is the
specimen that will contain half of our future child. This is the one that counts, and there's a lot of anxiety about it.
Also, I've been speculating about what the clinic is like and what I was going to experience. I've been losing sleep about having to make the "deposit" there, rather than in the comfort of my home (like I did for the semen analysis). And I've been dreading the thought of being judged.
My chief concerns being:
- Are there going to be people in the waiting room looking at me going into the room?
- Will they look at me when I come out?
- Will they be timing how long I've been in there?
- If I'm quick, should I maybe hang out in there awhile?
- If I'm in there too long, will they think something's wrong with me?
- Should I bring porn or something?
So we get there and it was a very nice clinic; new and professional-looking. The staff was nice and there was complimentary coffee (I didn't partake). There was a lot of people there which kind of surprised me; but I guess if you want a baby, work can wait.
|Do you guys have cable?|
|How many were here before me?|
After checking in, I waited for them to call me in to the dreaded room. When I got called I was led to a room at the end of a long hallway. I entered a typical exam room that was larger than your standard doctor's office. Oh, did I mention there was also a love-seat with a disposable underpad on it, a widescreen TV with a built-in DVD player, a DVD called "Lust In Paradise 2", and a handful of Playboy magazines. Nevertheless, it's still a freakin' doctor's office. At least it was clean.
|Relax..they're almost fully clothed.|
Granted, this is geared to heterosexual men, but they should at least offer something for those not interested in "Lust In Paradise 2." And how bored does the brunette look on the video cover? Do straight guys really read or use Playboy anymore? With the internet, it seems pointless. Playboy girls are also so generic-looking. I have a theory that they're all just clones of previous bunnies, but that's another blog. Needless to say, this was going to be the most awkward and least sexual masturbation session ever.
Let's skip ahead and mention how incredibly awkward and weird it is to ejaculate into a specimen cup. Gross... (and sorry mom, if you're reading this). And unless you have a good imagination, bring your own adult materials (magazines, DVDs, iPad/tablet, etc.). This is a pretty difficult environment to get "excited" in, unless your fetish happens to be medical-related (ewww!).
After dropping the specimen container on the floor in front of the lab assistant, in which she assured me "they're okay", I went back to the waiting room to get John and leave.
John told me the guy who went in a room after me, was done well
before I was. That made me feel much better.
We went to Dunkin' Donuts afterword for some donuts and the world's shittiest coffee.